bah

feel rubbish

lonely, frisky, slightly mad and really want a bastard fag.

grrr.

don't need one but god life is rubbish without them. baby goes to sleep, do I pop outside for a quick smoke? nope just stay where I am.

an hour goes past at work, do I celebrate by nipping out for a fag? nope. drink some more a million calorie hot choc instead.

blah.

and I have totally lost creative urge. which is a bit of a bummer as it's coming up to xmas and I should be stocking up www.tinyminds.etsy.com

but lack of nicotine has broken my head.

why was it that I wanted to quit again? (maybe something about coughing up blood, not being able to breath, stuff like that)

and I'm actually missing the boy now. not missing the nagging. or the fact I don't have to cook. not missing the constant fights and growls and snarls.

but do miss the sweetness. when he not horrid he lovely. course the horrid does sometimes overshadow the lovely but absence def makes the heart grow fonder.

little cat misses him too. I just know he gonna burst into tears when he gets to see his dad again on sunday.

stupid boring pointless work. then go home pick up lovely bab and have the same evening I have every evening. then put him to bed. then watch crap TV. then go to bed. then get woken up by little cat. then put him back to bed. then sleep a bit more. then have the same morning I always have. rinse and repeat.

hmmm. maybe I have sad. the days are getting a bit darker.

or maybe I just need some chocolate. stat.