All Sweetness and Light

this morning there was a report on the news about catching a virus which makes you fat, I just heard the headline while chasing little cat around trying to get his shoes on... so I said "quick, run away from daddy or you'll catch fat!".

now to me this was funny cause the image of running from a fat virus is amusing and toy soldier boy isn't fat, so also funny. not like world stoppingly hilarious but you know, brief giggle.

his response was "there's only one person in this house who's clinically obese."

and on seeing my face at that he said "I don't know why you're so upset, you know you're fat"

brilliant.

now to my mind this wasn't funny. it was just offensive and rude. and makes me want to leave him.

but maybe I'm wrong. basically in his head I just called him fat and he responded in kind. I don't think he could see the difference between what either of us said. so maybe it's me not him.

nope, it's him. there is actually something wrong with him. I think he's a sociopath. he just can't work out how other people think and react. I think he pretends to have all the right emotions and stuff but it feels like he's practiced them in front of a mirror.

it's like being in an advert where there's the woman who just witters on and on about stuff and the man who doesn't listen and gets it wrong when asked if her bum looks big in this. it would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.

I don't just witter on. people other than him are sometimes interested in what I have to say. when I talk to people other that him they acknowledge what I've said and sometimes join in and have what's known as a conversation.

see there I go again, my life sounds like a fucking male female cliché. but I have never dated someone like this before, so filled with all the negative male stereotypes who then forces me to become the female stereotype. do you think I want to nag you? do you think I like it? but if I don't keep asking you to do the fucking thing you said you were gonna fucking do then you won't fucking do it will you? and yes I have tried just asking once, taking you at your word but you are a lazy selfish motherfucker.

god I can't wait till he's posted to a fucking war zone for six months. it's gonna be like a holiday from the soul crushing grumpiness he exudes.

I hate him. I really do.

but tonight he will come home with shopping covered in yellow price reduction labels from the supermarket. he will want to show me his bargains. he will say I'm sorry if I was a monkey, sometimes I say the wrong things. he will want a cuddle and say how much he loves me and little cat. and for the sake of a quiet life I will let is go again and be almost near to happy for a bit.

is this what it's supposed to be like? is this the best I'm gonna get? are you just supposed to put up with all the shit for the brief moments of calm? is this what he means when he says you have to work at a relationship? I've never done that before. if it wasn't fun I'd walk away (eventually). are you supposed to stay even when it makes you want to stick your head in the oven every weekend cause you have two full days of his company?

dunno.

well he certainly killed my monday happy this week.

one of my little robots has had a slice of internet fame and got picked up by lots of lovely nerdy blogs and stuff. yay. last time that happened I got loads of sales.

unfortunately as you can see by my comments on the article it is also a wee bit embarrassing...

and the first time I have had the occasion to use the phrase "not a rubber wrapped wang" on the interweb.

giggle.

gone red again. yay. was feeling all wintery and rubbish but bright red hair does wonders to cheer a person up

I was so tempted to dye little cats hair while I was at it (he was intrigued by the process and seemed to like the end result). I mean he has really light blonde hair the red would have gone on perfectly on him.

but I resisted.

twas an okay weekend apart from toy soldier boy having a bit of man pmt. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him sometimes, anything can set him off into a grumpy rage. he doesn't even know he's doing it.

sigh.

I blame not getting enough sex.

little cat is sleeping okayish now tho. this morning I heard a yelp of him waking up at around 6.30 but then he stayed happy till 7.00 which was nice. when I went into his room to get him I found his happily playing with one of his soft toys. he pointed to it and said baboo (boob) and cat cat (he suddenly started pronouncing the c on the weekend so now it's no longer gat gat, clever monkey). so basically he had decided his toy miffy rabbit was a cross between and breast and a cat and this kept him happy for half an hour

happily toddled to work this morning to meet my old upstairs neighbour at the bus stop who told me that at the end of last week seven people got made redundant.

poop.

so it's not too cheerful here.

and I have no work to do.

slightly worrying.

I spose I could always do my etsy shop full time

hmm well as I didn't get an sales last week maybe not!

they have just added the code so we get Google analytics on our shops. yay. I am in stat heaven. I'm making custom filters and stuff and collating interesting info. tis most nerdy fun

probably should be trying harder to find some actual work at work but what the hey!

Tuesday the best of all the days

even tho yesterday at work I was firefighting on the project from hell and it's mate the project from demihell it was still a pleasant change from holiday chez fallingdownhousegrumpyfamilypukeycat.

and today is even better.

dropped the babalink off at my mums, quiet read on the train back, slow wander around the shops with no little man trying to steal things or throw things and no big man telling me not to buy stuff.

toddle to work eating a big ole donut.

have a bit of a surf. coffeeeeee. fag. think about doing some work.

a bit urgent, beta going out blah blah blah but nothing that's gonna break a finger nail.

and tonight. ahhh tonight.

the first night all on my own for soooo long.

first I gonna clean the swamp of a kitchen, put some laundry on, scrape out the frankly rank cat litter (as little cat would say, bat pooo), throw all of his toys in a boy, try and track down the tv remote that has been missing for two weeks now (I think little cat flushed in down the bog), make some junk food, roll up the biggest joint you have ever seen, open some wine and play with my wii.

I shall stay up late safe in the knowledge that when I do go to bed I won't be woken. I shall get up at a leisurely 7.30/8.00 and sedately make my way to work.

can not wait.

god bless you Tuesday and all who sail in you

mr blabbermouth had to put pen to email to check I was still alive with all the lack of blogging so lets have a quick update....

er....

alive.

little cat walks and talks (well says cat poo, eyebrow and falls over a lot), toy soldier boy is super annoying but almost definitely being shipped off to Afghanistan for six months in October so I can't be too mean about him, I is worn out from the holidays and the happiest person to be back at work for a lovely rest.

I have snuggle overload. little cat, annoying boy (when we were not fighting) and squeak the cat all demanded snuggles for all of the holidays and now I have run out. there are no more left.

what else?

went out for beers at mr and mrs jewish mothers on new years. was supposed to take the family but they were both a bit grumpy so I went solo.... and got very pissed.... and came home very late.... and got super told off. I guess leaving the boy on his own with a screaming babalink for new years was a bit mean but he should have come with.

got a wii for xmas (got the boy a violin, wow what a bad idea that was!) and love love love my wii. and making wii/ennui jokes.

my mum was ill for an entire month with a flu thing but is better now which means she took little cat for a night. my first night in over a month without little cat. god that was needed!

don't think the boy has had a night at home without little cat before... which is probably why he kept waking me up to tell me he heard him crying.

sigh.

was going to have a lie in but unfortunately the fish pond froze over and sprang a leak at the same time so I had to spend a very very cold exhausting morning fishing out fishies, scooping out mud, hacking off paving slabs and replacing liners.

what fun.

with the boy saying helpful things like " the paving slabs are frozen, you really need to do this on a sunny day"

what? really? you mean it would be easier to do if every splash of water didn't freeze as soon as it hit the ground? wow why didn't I think of that?

arghhhhhh.

anyways now the fish are dead happy but there is pond liner over the paving slabs and hanging off the edge of the stupid pond so if it was at all possible our garden now looks even worse than it did.

sigh.

I didn't even want fish. I just couldn't watch them all die.

not on my watch!

so now back at work.

ahhh it really is lovely.

it's quiet. no one wants a cuddle or their bum changed. ace