this morning there was a report on the news about catching a virus which makes you fat, I just heard the headline while chasing little cat around trying to get his shoes on... so I said "quick, run away from daddy or you'll catch fat!".

now to me this was funny cause the image of running from a fat virus is amusing and toy soldier boy isn't fat, so also funny. not like world stoppingly hilarious but you know, brief giggle.

his response was "there's only one person in this house who's clinically obese."

and on seeing my face at that he said "I don't know why you're so upset, you know you're fat"

brilliant.

now to my mind this wasn't funny. it was just offensive and rude. and makes me want to leave him.

but maybe I'm wrong. basically in his head I just called him fat and he responded in kind. I don't think he could see the difference between what either of us said. so maybe it's me not him.

nope, it's him. there is actually something wrong with him. I think he's a sociopath. he just can't work out how other people think and react. I think he pretends to have all the right emotions and stuff but it feels like he's practiced them in front of a mirror.

it's like being in an advert where there's the woman who just witters on and on about stuff and the man who doesn't listen and gets it wrong when asked if her bum looks big in this. it would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.

I don't just witter on. people other than him are sometimes interested in what I have to say. when I talk to people other that him they acknowledge what I've said and sometimes join in and have what's known as a conversation.

see there I go again, my life sounds like a fucking male female clichι. but I have never dated someone like this before, so filled with all the negative male stereotypes who then forces me to become the female stereotype. do you think I want to nag you? do you think I like it? but if I don't keep asking you to do the fucking thing you said you were gonna fucking do then you won't fucking do it will you? and yes I have tried just asking once, taking you at your word but you are a lazy selfish motherfucker.

god I can't wait till he's posted to a fucking war zone for six months. it's gonna be like a holiday from the soul crushing grumpiness he exudes.

I hate him. I really do.

but tonight he will come home with shopping covered in yellow price reduction labels from the supermarket. he will want to show me his bargains. he will say I'm sorry if I was a monkey, sometimes I say the wrong things. he will want a cuddle and say how much he loves me and little cat. and for the sake of a quiet life I will let is go again and be almost near to happy for a bit.

is this what it's supposed to be like? is this the best I'm gonna get? are you just supposed to put up with all the shit for the brief moments of calm? is this what he means when he says you have to work at a relationship? I've never done that before. if it wasn't fun I'd walk away (eventually). are you supposed to stay even when it makes you want to stick your head in the oven every weekend cause you have two full days of his company?

dunno.

well he certainly killed my monday happy this week.